This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
