found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
