Swine flu is the new snow day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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