Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
