Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would ride that face into the sunset
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
