3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
