just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
