one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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