We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I died a long time ago.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A bitchslap is in order.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
