whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
