Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He did a backflip because drugs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
