actually, I'm a sock model
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
