Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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