I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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