Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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