ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are we still banned from the library?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
