Please, let me fuck your mom
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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