I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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