last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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