I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
His hands were made for my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
