Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
