like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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