Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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