When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
