I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
