remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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