I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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