youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
my poor anus
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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