I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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