That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
