i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize