K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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