i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
