Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
