And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
