i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
