i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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