his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
