Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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