I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
