K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
