If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
