C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize