Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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