the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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