i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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