I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
