How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
