my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
