Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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