I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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