And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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