16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
