rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize