i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize