i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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