Me. At least after what I've been through.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
