He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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