I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
