You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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