My friends, they love my intelligence
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
