I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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