Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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