k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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