I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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