All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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