Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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