she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize