This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize