Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
