Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
