can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
