my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
