i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize