I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
