I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
