Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
