Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
