I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
