that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
