Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
