You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
