I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
