I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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