My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
