It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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