fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
