Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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