Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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