I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
