Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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