we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
