dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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