be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize