I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
